My Heart Is At Ease

"My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me."

Often times, I compare myself to other people.  I look at what they have and I look at what I don't, and I think to myself, "Okay so, what's so wrong with me that I don't have that?"  It's something that I've struggled with for some time now.  I look around at my peers who are planning weddings, buying baby clothes, and celebrating 5-year anniversaries; purchasing their first homes, getting big promotions, moving far away from home, and traveling the world.  Then I look at myself:  Alexis Byrd, 24, still living at home, working at the college she graduated from; no boyfriend, or baby, or one-way plane ticket in sight.  It's pretty soul-crushing when I put it that way.

But then, I really think about it... What if God has something so good planned for me that if I got it all right now it wouldn't make sense?  What if He wants me to appreciate it so much that He's waiting to give it to me?  What if, somewhere out there, a guy is asking God these same questions and God is planning our "meet cute."  (For those who don't know, or haven't seen The Holiday, a meet cute is a scene in which a future romantic couple meets for the first time in an insanely adorable way).  There are so many questions and I can't wait until God thinks I am ready to get the answers.

It's all about trust and faith.  I'm so glad that I've gotten the chance to grow in these areas lately.  I needed it so much.  What questions keep you up at night?  Are you worried that your life won't end up the way you want.  Just know that God doesn't give us the things we want; He gives us the things we need.  He knows us.  Trust in Him.  

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

-Jeremiah 29:11

xx,

Lex

Work In Progress

"The only way that we can live is if we grow.  The only way that we can grow is if we change.  

The only way that we can change is if we learn.  The only way we can learn if we are exposed.  

And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open.  

Do it.  Throw yourself."

I've done it.  I've thrown myself.  I've thrown myself into the deep and scary unknown.  Being someone who suffers from anxiety, the unknown is my biggest enemy.  (Why would you ever want to not know something?  Spontaneity has baffled me for years.)  However, I had gotten to a point in my life where nothing made sense.  My constant need to want to know everything and plan out my life down to the very second didn't work.  I was miserable.  My anxiety and depression grew worse because of it.  I was on my last leg.  

If you check out my previous post, How To Save A Life, you'll read about the most awesome experience I've ever had in my life.  The very experience that saved my life.  Now, I'm faced with the dreaded, "what's next?"  I'm not entirely sure what is next, to be honest.  Right now, I'm just floating on this beautiful cloud of life.  I'm enamored by it.  The other day, I drove home from work in a dark and loud thunderstorm, and do you know what my initial thought was, "Wow, weather is a beautiful thing."  Like.  What?  Who am I?  I was actually sitting back and enjoying the rain; enjoying the loud claps of thunder above me; the flash of the lightening.  It was beautiful.  And I was content.

For me, what's next is just living - intentionally and thoughtfully.  My priority is to strengthen my bond with Jesus Christ, for without Him, I wouldn't be typing this.  I have always been religious, but I have found that when I really put a strong focus on my relationship with Him, I flourish.  I am more positive, and upbeat, and loving.  All good things.  In no way am I saying that everyone needs to do this, but it's what works for me.  I am a better person now.  Find something positive in your life that makes you a better person.  I will never be a perfect person.  I don't want to be perfect.  I will never be free of sinning.  I will make mistakes.  However, I will try my hardest every single day to be the best version of myself that I can be.  I will forever be a work in progress.  

Right now, I'm this 20-something year old girl, who is so exposed and totally vulnerable.  I'm embracing this vulnerability for it is teaching me so much about myself and changing me for the better.  However, just because I'm embracing the exposure, I can't say that I'm not scared.  I am.  Scared.  My mind is flooded with "what if's" - as it probably always will be.  The goal isn't about being not scared.  The goal is to be scared and be okay with it.  The goal is to trust God. I don't want fear to rule my life.  I was created to do great things, and fear is a bully who tries to keep me from my calling.  I have to believe that, and I have to remember that.  I can't let things I can't control consume me.  Basically, I have to punch fear in the face.  I'm up for that challenge.

Thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable.  Thank you for allowing to me to really work on practicing what I preach.  Thank you for allowing me to be a work in progress.

xx,

Lex

Instagram Round-Up

As many of you know, I absolutely love to take pictures of my outfits.  Clothes are like therapy to me and I want to share it with the world!  I always post #ootd (Outfit of the Day) selfies on my Instagram account, so for those of you who missed out, you're in luck!  Below is a little Instagram Round-Up of my outfits from this past week.  Enjoy!

I'm obsessed with a good mint and navy color combo. | Mint cardigan:  Eddie Bauer.  Navy dress:  Old Navy.  Necklace:  Francesca's.  Floral flats:  Target.

Saturday dinner with my sweet momma! | Military jacket:  Banana Republic.  "Make Me Brunch" tee:  Kohl's.  Super skinny jeans:  Abercrombie & Fitch.  Pink toms:  Toms.  Wallet:  Kate Spade.

Sundays are the best days. | Mint cropped pants:  Gap.  Nude flats:  Target.  Wallet:  Kate Spade.

Navy, tan, and monograms.  |  Dress:  JCPenney.  Tan cardigan:  Eddie Bauer.  Wedges:  JCPenney.  Earrings:  Altar'd State.  Monogram necklace:  Three Hip Chicks.

And there ya have it!  I hope everyone has an amazing Sunday and a great upcoming week!

If you're interested in checking out more of my Instagram posts, follow me @lexdbyrd or click the little camera icon on the right task bar under my picture.

"Guard, through the Holy Spirit who lives in us, that good thing entrusted to you."

- 2 Timothy 1:14